im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
