I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i love accidental penises.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
