I'm really into asian looking animals
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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