I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
