We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
