Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
