I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
