Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
