My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
