I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
