Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
