the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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