I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
