you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
