i wish there were pregnant emoticons
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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