he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
