whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
