Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
