Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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