I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
