OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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