Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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