Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So vagazzling was a success
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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