I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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