Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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