then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
