Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
