Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
