Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
