Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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