David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
