drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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