i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
