just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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