im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
