reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
