So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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