I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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