How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
