I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
