so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
