Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
