one might say we're banned from that church
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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