marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
