actually, I'm a sock model
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
