I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
i out mim tonsoeep
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