Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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