You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
