totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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