someone owes me an orgasm
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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